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I really hate people here. All of them are so anti-Obama. And you can probably guess why. At least half of them are just disgusting racists. Seriously i see like a million mccain/palin signs up where ever i drive. Its awful. I just donapos;t understand how people can base a vote on something like that. I dont understand how people are fine with mccain and palin taking away womenapos;s rights. And i donapos;t understand how people keep on saying democrats have more government when Bush has made the Executive branch so much more powerful than it ever should be. But most of all i dont understand how people canapos;t pull them selves away from their peers and parents beliefs and educate themselves and make their own decisions. I just do not get it. And whats awful is that the people around here make me want to hate every single republican out their, even though i imagine there are some good republicans in the world. I just donapos;t think too many of them live in rockland county. Like i havenapos;t heard an educated reason to be republican from anyone. Like all these people are just making me want to look down on republicans. I dont want to do that because i dont like to think badly of people because of their beliefs. The problem is that if some one believes a certain way and they have no clue what they are talking about, and arent educated about it, i cannot respect them. Not to mention the republican presidential nominee. Any group who voted that douche bag in has to have some problems. The problem is that people donapos;t think objectively. They get clouded by their judgments. Like it may seem like iapos;ve been gung-ho against mccain the whole time, but i havent. I gave every nominee a fair chance. And then i read up on all of them and got the nominee i want. And in this process i learned things about mccain that made me realize he is a liar and not suitable to be president. I will not bash him for his personal beliefs, but he is definitely not some one i would want ruling this country. I just do not get it. I donapos;t. And i donapos;t get how everyone loves palin. Everytime some one comes into the deli and says they love her i just want to be like, "Oh? And do you love the fact that she wants to stop teaching about contraceptives in school? Or that she thinks only creationism should be taught in school? Or that she wants to take away your right as a woman to choose?" It makes me sick that people just donapos;t research these people. Like one of catherineapos;s friends told her that she was going to vote for the candidate with the name she liked best. ITs awful. But i canapos;t change people. I just have to do my job as an american citizen and vote. Ah i should really go to be now.

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I woke up with a rage in my head this morning.� Couldnapos;t calm it, or overthrow it.� I�stalked around the house distracting myself with busy work in order not to murder.� There was no particular trigger, and no one had done anything wrong, itapos;s just where I was.� I was looking at a picture of a cool apartment online and all I could see was blood splattered all over the place.� The mood subsided after I lay in a spot of sunshine on our bed and Jello curled up behind me and we just lay in the sunshine chatting.� Iapos;m hoping that the newly found calm lasts.�

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Damn, havenapos;t posted in a long time. Lifeapos;s going great for me and I couldnapos;t be any better. I have Vannie in my life, finally and my grades are somewhat better now. Bill for stealing came, $250 and another $250 to take the class the cop made me take. Itapos;s only two days so Iapos;m pretty sure Iapos;ll live. I havenapos;t been able to hang out with anyone as much, and I feel pretty distant to people though. Honestly, I somewhat do miss Jennifer LE <-- and I donapos;t really know what happened to us. I guess we just meet new people, right? and Iapos;m sorry to you too Jane. I messed up on our friendship and now things donapos;t even feel the same anymore. I guess I just suck when it comes to keeping friends.
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I donapos;t think anyone should condone my actions and handling stress never was a huge talent of mine. Iapos;m better though. My body feels this pleasant ache of sore muscle as i slip 8 miles a trip to work under the tires of my bicycle. Itapos;s so exhilarating. I spent my weekend destressing, paying bills and doing my budget. Meeting new people. I took a nice swim in a chilly pool.

but back to the intervention

all i can think about is disappearing, moving away from all this crap that has weight me down even in this desert. Iapos;m watching the sun on the pavement as i ride down the street towards home. Iapos;m thinking about love. How iapos;m not really out of love. But that i love people for a myriad of reasons. Iapos;m thinking about my current crush and my last lover. I miss the lover but canapos;t see him in my future, if i return to him iapos;ll allow myself the laziness that has kept me drowning. My crush is so far from my fingertips. The chase is pleasant and anyone who says other wise must not be comfortable flirting. Everyone flirts even with people they have no ambition to sleep with.
i see the bus stop ahead i could wait for the bus but somehow i know i would be better to keep pedaling and not lose the momentum i have. As i pass the stop, the bus puts on itapos;s airbrakes behind me and shiver. The bus kneels behind me in the bike lane and i picture if had i slowed down i might have been caught by the bus.

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Max is really a pain in my sisterapos;s ass. Thereapos;s this love-hate relationship going on between them. I cannot comprehend. Itapos;s too complicated. One moment sheapos;s all lovey dovey with Max like heapos;s the only thing worth living for in this whole world, and the next moment, itapos;s a drastic change. Sheapos;d kick Max in the ass and yell at him, telling him how much she hates him. Sheapos;d sms me to extend that hate sometimes. Like i said... Complicated. Cannot be bothered.

Watched Max Payne today. SUCKY SHOW. I donapos;t think anybodyapos;s anticipating for the second part. At least iapos;m not.

And guess what. I bought a pair of sport shoes from queensway shopping centre today. HAHA I will start jogging/exercising. Whatever that keeps me healthy and�alive for the next 60 years. Whether is it organic food or�exercising (eww gross)�or even eating fruits (which i abhor). I WILL STAY HEALTHY FOR MY HUBBS AND MY FUTURE KIDS AND MOST OF ALL... FOR MYSELF.

Gogopowerranger. -pink-

Save save save. Working my ass off to save till i reach my target. To invest,� i must save, so save i shall. But... Having to abstain from shopping is like tryna kick a drug habit. Haha Argh Screw the apos;cold turkeyapos; Itapos;s whatapos;s after�it�that matters. Sometimes I wish Warren Buffet was my Dad or something (way better than having a bummer). Iapos;d trade anything... Max even... But not Matt... Just to have that wish come true. HEEHEE

Well itapos;s okay. I will just keep reading and reading and learning and learning.

ok time to sleep. Gotta work at an auction early in the morning. NINE AM ON A SAT. Somebody tau pok me. :S
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I win at everything ever. And iapos;m about to explain to you how you, too, can do this.

now, keep in mind, people might think youapos;re arrogant, self-centered, and basically a bitch. This is okay. They will wish they were you.

itapos;s actually quite simple.

know, not think, know what a fucking amazing human being you are. Know that there is no one else like you in the entire world. Know that without you, the world would be a little less happy, a little less colorful, a little less wonderful. You have to know this, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

you have to look in the mirror and be happy with whatapos;s looking back.

step two.

be the kind of person to back that claim up. Once you know how wonderful you are, act like it. Be a wonderful friend. Be a wonderful girlfriend. Be a wonderful coworker. Be a wonderful person to be around. This is not easy. You will not succeed everyday. You will make mistakes. You will have off days. Handle it. You wake up the next morning, look in the mirror, say "hello, gorgeous", and donapos;t make the same mistakes again.

now, you might be saying, "mandy, that sounds backwards. Shouldnapos;t you be a great person before you can go around claiming that you are?" fair question a lot of times, people make half-ass attempts at greatness. Perhaps thats not fair of me to say-they genuinely try. But then, they look in the mirror and something about themselves sets them back. They arenapos;t cute enough, or not small enough, or not enough money. Something. And then they sliddddde back into self-loathe mode, and you know what they do? they drag other people down. Because theyapos;re not happy. Because theyapos;re not yet able to be happy with their own reflection. But the people who do look square in the mirror, accept what they see, and then OWN IT, LOVE IT, LIVE IT, well, those are the kinds of people that can be comfortable with everyone they meet. The kinds of people who can seriously screw up, and be big enough to apologize. The kind of people who never have to pretend, or try, or want to be something other than what they are.

and you know what everyone else is going to do? call you a bitch, a self centered little snob. And to that i respond, please. Theyapos;re talking about you. Get it girl. they are talking about your fine ass. You donapos;t have time to waste on them. Youapos;ve got people to see, things to do, mountains to move. Youapos;ve got sunshine to spread, friend, and you canapos;t keep the worthy waiting by worrying about the unworthy.

so maybe i am self centered. Maybe i am arrogant. But i love myself, and not without overcoming and accepting my shortcomings. Iapos;ve earned my self-love. And itapos;s only when you truly love yourself that anyone else is able to love you. Not in that shallow, arm-around-the-shoulder love, but that deep, unconditional love. Loving yourself means you never put the burden on other people to make you happy, leaving them free to love you without the pressure or guilt of holding up your self esteem. And they will love you more for that freedom.

honesty, i hope everyone can face themselves and be happy. And i know not everyday is easy, and i know not everyday is going to be wrought with enthusiasm, but...thatapos;s okay. It does get easier. Itapos;s all about the mindset.

this little light of mine, motherfucker, iapos;m going to let it shine
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K, i got a kinda important question.

so, iapos;m texting this guy and shit, and i have to be the first one to text otherwise he wonapos;t. We talk and stuff but after a while heapos;ll stop texting. I donapos;t know if i should text him or not? :[ idk i dont want to annoy him i like him alot, so i donapos;t know what to do. Should i keep making an effort to talk to him or not? ahh, i hate this.
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� �� � In the textbook, The Future Of Life, by Edward O. Wilson there is a chapter in the book called "The Bottleneck". This chapter is not about a regular bottleneck that� most of us think about but about the society really. The author says things about the "bottleneck" facing us and by that he talks about all the problems that are going on in the world are going to one day get so out of control that we will not be able to control it.

� �� � Also in this chapter he explains two point of views about this "bottleneck". One of them being the economists point of view and then the other being the enviromentalists point of view.

� �� The economist point of view is that ahough there have been problems in our enviroment and society things have gotten better, that things are getting better. Edward O. Wilson shows us by what he says that the economist point of view is that they really just push problems under the rug although they understand that there is a problem they assume and believe that things will get better and even if there is proof that it will not they will still think it will. This is what economists think like according to Edward O. Wilson, "Ease up. In spit of two centuries of doomsaying, humanity is enjoying unprecedented prosperity. There are environmental problems, certainly, but they can be solved."(24). Although that maybe true how do you solve problems if you dont take the time to fix them?

� �� �Now the enviromentalists point of view is that they too realize that there is a problem they do not just push it under the rug they find all the negative points about it and look for solutions. Example of what they say is, "Yes, it's true that the human condition has improved dramatically in manyways. But you've only painted only half the picture, and with all due respect the logic it uses is just plain dangerous."(26)

� �� �Although they both do realize that there is a problem the enviromentalists view a bit more realistic then the enconomists views.

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The first day at Caribou and WEAP�went pretty well. Caribou was just an orientation. I saw some of my old regulars and they were happy to see me. :)�I�go back on Saturday for more.

Iapos;m rewatching the PR�when they made bridesmaids dresses and Tim Gunn was crying. What a sweetheart. I love him.�

Today = cleaning up the second bedroom, buying some black polo shirts and pair of jeans, and checking out Linens n Things, since they are closing all of their stores. I want to stock up on some candles (I know, like I�need more) and get some storage type things for the kitchen, like for all the cupcakes I�keep making.�

Not much to say today.

Mike and I have been a little up and down. I�think it is just a stressful week for both of us.�

Also, Iapos;m having a Christmas card making party. Iapos;m buying supplies and snacks. We will have examples. Just a thing to talk and have fun.�Anyone interested?�
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